Comments on Hitting My Stride: Falling down

I'm with letting her cry it out if you know sh...

2011-11-28T16:48:35.734-06:00

I'm with letting her cry it out if you know she's not hungry, not hurt and not in need of a changing. Babies are smarter than you think and giving in only leads to them working that 'guilt' you already have internally as a parent allowing a baby to cry (even though it's really ok). Hugs to you!

Your baby is stunning. I happened on your blog fr...

2011-11-23T12:50:06.355-06:00

Your baby is stunning. I happened on your blog from InB's. I'm having a hard time with sleep with my little one, (who is about a week younger than yours). It sucks. I totally agree with you, when I do let her cry and then give in, I think it is just cruel. I should stick to my guns. I try to tell myself she is just mad, not sad. That helps a little bit.

I am with you here. I am behind on everything. I...

2011-11-22T22:09:27.724-06:00

I am with you here. I am behind on everything. I have resorted to snack food for comfort and for ease of consumption. else I won't have time to eat. My baby doesn't sleep either. Same thing, maybe two 30 minute naps. She "sleeps" for about 11-12 hours at night but wakes up 3-4 times to nurse. This started back in early september after she had a horrible cold, and I mean horrible. Totally messed her good sleep habits up. I completely surrendered and now sleep with her, one because she is sweet and snuggly, and two, because then I hardly have to wake up to nurse. I keep telling myself that this can't last forever. At some point she is going to need to sleep for more than 2-3 hours in a row, yes? Please? I hope?

Hi, I'm Cori's friend and love the sleep s...

2011-11-22T19:18:00.768-06:00

Hi, I'm Cori's friend and love the sleep subject. I refer to myself as the sleep nazi, but I am FOREVER thankful that I stuck to my guns when I was having the same problems as you. I haven't read previous posts to see if the book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems was recommended to you and that is why you are doing the Ferber method, but it forever changed my life. I read the book, and it helped me understand WHY I was doing this to my baby. Then, I also did the sleep charts, for naps and nighttime. I swear if you stick with it it will be worth it. I truly think my kids are thankful I taught them how to sleep. And once you get it, remember to stick with it - even if it's rears later that they have a slip up in their sleeping. It's amazing how fast they learn (even though it seems like forever for you). Just keep the end result in mind... sleeping THROUGH THE NIGHT, for the whole house!!! For real, it will happen. My son slept through the night from 6 weeks to 6 months. And then he started waking up... I fed him because that was the only way I could get him back to sleep, then he woke up even more frequently, expecting to eat, I kept feeding him, and we got to the point where he was waking up 6 times a night, and I bought the book. And it works, I promise. Hang in there, keep your chin up, and just remember that this is short term IF YOU STICK TO YOUR GUNS.

it was the hardest thing I ever did. I listened to...

2011-11-22T15:34:38.507-06:00

it was the hardest thing I ever did. I listened to my ipod. I took a shower and I screamed at the top of my lungs while I was in the shower.

My husband's coworker told him something that ...

2011-11-22T14:28:57.805-06:00

My husband's coworker told him something that really rang true for me: if the baby cries and you pick them up and they stop, they're not sick or hungry or hurting. If they're any of those things, then they keep crying. That made me feel less guilty about getting up to check on the baby, patting him and not picking him up in the night until I got the distinctly hungry cry (between 3:30 and 4:30). A couple of nights of not picking him up (and feeling like the crappiest mom ever) got him sleeping through from 7:30 - 4:30. Of course, now that I got a few nights of good sleep, he caught a cold and we're up in the night again.

This is not bragging...our babies are about the same age and I was completely at this same point 10 days ago. I'd not slept more than two consecutive hours in months and I would never have showered or left the house if it weren't for having to pick my older kid up from school.

what i've learned so far being a mom these las...

2011-11-22T07:50:23.010-06:00

what i've learned so far being a mom these last 16 months is to work on the daytime naps. once we got those down, night time sleeping became easier. we developed a routine in the morning and just waited for the signs of sleepiness/tiredness and quickly began the nap time prep. now it's nice when the kiddo comes up to me and basically let's me know he wants to nap. we started with 2 naps a day (2hrs each), now we're at 1 nap a day (2-3hours). Night sleep has been easier but not without work. we continued with a bed time routine which REALLY helps because they know they are getting ready for sleep. it took a week or two to really get my kiddo used to it. now he falls asleep around 730-8, wakes around 12-1 (which i either quick nurse and back down or just a quick snuggle/swaying combo) then he's down for the count until 6-7am. i hope this helps?! it's different for everyone that is for sure just remember that we're all going through the same thing, you are definitely not alone.

Read this at The Leaky Boob. She recently nigh-wea...

2011-11-22T00:05:00.552-06:00

Read this at The Leaky Boob. She recently nigh-weaned her daughter. This is the last of many posts on her decision to do it and why and how.
http://theleakyboob.com/2011/08/our-night-weaning-journey-more-questions-answered/

The part of what you are describing and what she talks about that sounds similar is the need your daughters have at night for comfort, but not necessarily the breast, to be able to get back to sleep.

Are you ready for the crazy? The post just above ...

2011-11-21T22:05:54.381-06:00

Are you ready for the crazy? The post just above yours in my reader was this: http://www.inthebackyard.net/2011/11/spirit-led-parenting-what-we-wish-wed.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+InTheBackyard+%28In+the+Backyard%29

If you're not into the God-stuff, just skip it and be assured by the numbers: most kids don't sleep all the way through the night. Most kids (50%) don't sleep decent stretches (5 hours or more) for at least the first year.

And even if she isn't nursing for food, she's nursing for love. Ferber himself admitted that if he knew then what he knows now, he wouldn't have used his method on his own kids. What we know about babies and brain development says, clearly, that unattended crying is bad for them. It increases their adrenaline and cortisol levels, it raises their heart rates and respiratory rates to rates similar to someone having a stroke, it just isn't as harmless as we've all been led to believe.

It sounds like you both need sleep, and there's nothing wrong with having to do what's best for the the both of you even if she's pretty sure it's not what's best for her. There's nothing wrong with having no sleep schedule, or driving her around in the car, or driving till she falls asleep and parking somewhere so you can nap too. There's nothing wrong with laying down with her for naps so you both sleep as long as possible.

You've gotten some good advice here, and I don't want to lay a guilt trip or be a downer. Please know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And when you're up nursing at midnight, 2am, 3am, 4am, etc - you aren't alone. Lots of us are up doing the same thing. Then blearily brewing coffee when the toddler hops out of bed at 6.

There is a very helpful book called "Healthy ...

2011-11-21T21:50:18.885-06:00

There is a very helpful book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" or something like that. I found it very helpful and useful... maybe it could have some positive and insightful information for you too. Good luck to you. It helps you understand the pychology of sleep with infants, babies and kids....rather than focusing on Feber or Sears or etc. and gives useful tips for now and the years ahead. Maybe someone already suggested it...

Don't worry, this fussy waking is common and i...

2011-11-21T19:48:48.729-06:00

Don't worry, this fussy waking is common and it will pass. I *know* this is a really frustrating time. I've found this site helpful in giving me accurate information related to what to expect for my baby's sleep routine. http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/sleep-training-review-of-research.html

Does she have a swing that she likes? I put my last little one in that to sleep as that worked the best for her. Her first waking, I got her and brought her to bed with us. (Like I've said before... co-sleeping doesn't mean they will *stay* in the bed with you forever.) If it helps you get good sleep, why aren't you doing it? What are your expectations revolving around it? Are they realistic, or just what you've heard from other parents and sleep expert books that reassure you of a baby who will sleep through the night?

Have you considered showering with her? Or putting her on the floor of the shower while you bathe, or on the floor outside the shower with some toys? That will allow you to sing to/talk to her for reassurance if she needs it.

I bathed with my babies for the first couple of years. We all got clean and were all happy playing with the alphabet letters in the shower. lol
That will at least allow you to shower *daily* if you wanted.

I kind of gave up on laundry perfection. Who says that's not okay? Are the clothes clean, even if they're not perfectly folded? Your expectations might be overwhelming you. Take a breath, give yourself a break. You being super-mom doesn't have to include housework. It includes you and your baby's health.

Make a plan of the week for yourself if keeping a tidy house is a priority. Tackle one thing a day, and things like cleaning floors 3 times a week.

These are just things that have helped us, and I know you'll lots of great advice from all the comments.
Breathe. This time lasts only so long. She will sleep through the night eventually. =)

Hey my friend. I'm so sorry you are going thro...

2011-11-21T19:09:38.499-06:00

Hey my friend. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I sooo wish I had good advice, but I don't. What I can give you is what helps Larkyn sleep. The pacifier. The Cloud B giraffe. The humidifier right by her crib. A full 8 oz. bottle before bed. And maybe I can give you some comic relief when I hear the word "ferberize":
http://www.movieweb.com/tv/TEIlwMIJofRTMP/ferberize

i agree Ryan, sometimes you have to just turn that...

2011-11-21T18:59:14.488-06:00

i agree Ryan, sometimes you have to just turn that monitor off, close the door and walk away for a little bit. it's SO hard, but it's better than losing it completely when the little one won't stop crying.

Sorry you're having a hard time. I've trie...

2011-11-21T18:56:31.553-06:00

Sorry you're having a hard time. I've tried a few methods with the sleep training with varying rates of success.

But my main piece of advice is that it is time to put Desiree's oxygen mask on first (like they tell you on airplanes). In order to be the mother that you want to be AND the best you in general, you have got to take care of yourself.

I read this quote somewhere recently that eased a lot of my mommy guilt: it said "We are required to love our children with all of our hearts, but not with all of our time."

Is it possible for Sofia to attend a mother's day out a couple times a week so that you can get things done at home? I know our daycare was really helpful in getting A on a good nap schedule since they have so much experience with kids that age (more than me anyway).

Also, if you have a mommy friend nearby, it might help to set up a play date with you, her and the kids just to have another adult to talk/ vent with and Sofia would have another baby (and someone other than you) to keep her entertained for a few hours.

Don't try to do it alone girl, it is hard!

From about 5.5 to 7.5 months was definitely the lo...

2011-11-21T17:39:17.276-06:00

From about 5.5 to 7.5 months was definitely the low-point in my 9.5 months of parenting thus far. The sleep was awful, the days were about constantly trying to work with her desire for mobility and engagement when she wasn't able to crawl or move between positions easily. I finally just figured that this was the time I'd have crappy sleep instead of the first few months people talk about (when co-sleeping and nursing was fabulous for us and I was more rested than ever). I have a very persistent baby with all the good and bad that entails and CIO techniques just aren't a good match for us. Maybe they aren't a good match for you either. It's not about being a wimp or not, it's about you, your baby and your relationship. For us, simply letting go of, for lack of a better word, hope was the key to happiness. Sorta Buddhist I guess :-)

I have no words of wisdom, but I love ya, and I co...

2011-11-21T14:40:40.278-06:00

I have no words of wisdom, but I love ya, and I couldn't leave a friend hanging in her hour of need.

I could never ferberize at night. If my kids woke up to nurse, they got to nurse. I had all three of mine in a 4 year span, and I can honestly say that I did not sleep through the night for 5 1/2 years. It became my new sucky, want to kill myself, normal.
Naptime, I could deal with that. When I wasn't tired, it was a lot easier to plop my kids in bed at the same time every single day, and walk off. They all learned to sleep eventually. The downside was, for several years, I HAD to be home by 1pm every single day no matter what. The upside was I napped too. I got a break! Mentally and physically. And there was no trick to it, I just had to let them cry. But for some reason, I could do it in the daytime when I was more rational. At night, I just took them into my bed and let them nurse. My husband didn't care for it, but he wasn't the one sleeping so I kindly suggested he GET OVER IT or grow some breasts and help a sister out. He shut up. Today they're well-adjusted, 3,6, and 8 year old kids. They all sleep in their own beds, too. Do what works for you. Don't worry about guilt, or what's "right". Right is different for every family.

I can't help too much. My daughter did the sam...

2011-11-21T14:17:35.104-06:00

I can't help too much. My daughter did the same thing until I quit nursing. Then she was up wanting a bottle. She did not sleep through the night until she was off bottles completely at 11 months. Now she sleeps 12 hours a night. I hardly recall those sleepless nights.

I want to add that there is no reason you should be going without a shower. She can cry for five minutes while you shower. At the very least you deserve a hot shower every single day!

Hi Desiree, I'm sorry you and Sofia are havin...

2011-11-21T12:46:31.764-06:00

Hi Desiree,

I'm sorry you and Sofia are having a hard time. Is she a back sleeper? Have you considered letting her sleep on her tummy? Since you have the angel care that will alleviate some of those scary tummy sleep concerns (Sorry if you already posted about this, but I'm dealing with some sleep issues of my own as my little one is being kept up at night by her first cold :( ).
Also will Sofia take a pacifier? Try weaning her off the boob by holding her as if you're nursing but slipping her the pacifier instead. So eventually you can just give her the pacifier to soothe her rather than have to take her out of the crib. One of my girlfriends put 4 pacifiers in her daughters crib so that if she woke, she’d reach, find one, and self soothe back to sleep. The downside to this of course is that she couldn’t part ways with the pacifier until she was 2.5 years old.
Do you have a sleep sheep? That’s been working for us on nights when my daughter is fighting her sleep. When I rock her, I softly shhhh and talk to her. Then I put her down, still awake but sleep drunk and turn the sheep onto the ocean setting which is similar to my shhhh’ing and it does the trick.
Does Sofia have a lovie? That’s something else I’m considering bc I’m noticing my daughter likes to grab onto things to self soothe. Whether its my face, shirt, anything. She also has a crazy head full of hair so when she starts tugging at her hair I’ll just hold her hand to keep her from really yanking at it. Last night she fell asleep without the paci but woke up (darn cold!) and by the time I got to her, she’d found the paci and was just holding it and passed out.
Sorry for rambling. Just trying to brain storm and share some things that have worked for me and/or my friends. Good Luck!!

Ohhh I was so in this boat. I would try the 2-3 mi...

2011-11-21T12:16:35.855-06:00

Ohhh I was so in this boat. I would try the 2-3 minutes of crying, go in, pat her back, leave, repeat...for HOURS (okay, maybe ONE hour)...and then? I'd always give in, feel horrible for my sad-faced baby and then pissed at myself for just giving in, and then WHY did I even bother in the first place!? So what I ended up doing was just feeding her anyway. So what if it was for comfort? It was like 5 minutes, and then we were both asleep in our beds again. And guess when she stopped waking for night feeds? The day she weaned herself. At 11 months. She's never looked back since then and sleeps about 13 hours a night.

So yea. I'm no good at this. As you can see.

But I do have to say...sleep begets sleep. She NEEDSSSSS to be napping during the day, on a schedule (in my opinion). By 4 months I had E on a good nap schedule. She would sleep about an hour after she woke up. Then again around lunch time, and again around dinner time. Have a routine...try to always do the same thing each time. I know it sounds stupid, but for us...it's a diaper change, (at that time, we'd swaddle her), then we turn a loud fan on in her room which kind of signaled "sleep"....and lights off, and then naptime. If she likes to sleep in the swing? let her. But try to get a nap routine down if you can. It will obviously take a few days/weeks to make it happen, but keep trying. You need that for the sake of sanity and planing.

I don't know that I am qualified to give any r...

2011-11-21T12:02:16.192-06:00

I don't know that I am qualified to give any real advice because i am going through this at the exact same time as you... some nights are better, some are worse. But I'm a "Dr. Sears attachment" type (I think) because I let the baby sleep part of the night in his crib and part of the night in bed with me. He wakes up less when he's right next to me which means I wake up less and we both get sleep. The hubby doesn't mind either and actually enjoys waking up with a smiling baby in the morning. But I get it, that approach is not for everyone. I hope you and Sofia get some rest tonight and I'll say a little prayer for you. I hear ya about not having time for anything else. Hang in there mommy, I think you're doing amazing!

Not sure if this is what you want to hear, but I s...

2011-11-21T11:54:19.480-06:00

Not sure if this is what you want to hear, but I say let her nurse. Suffer. And, I know suffering. We didn't sleep for over a year. There were so many times we heard that we should do ferber-cryitout-whateverothermethod, but then I said I would start trusting my baby to tell me what he needed. All the babies we know that did cry it out (in any form) their parents have to constantly "re-train." And they deal with serious guilt. AND...at 17 months, my son is FINALLY sleeping through the night. We realize now that every time he was waking up, it was because of something. Teething pain (which you never realize is teething pain until they pop through, so it seems like "comfort" when in reality, sucking is natural pain relief for them), a new milestone about to happen, illness, stomach cramps, whatever. And now, between colds and new teeth, we get sleep. But, it took for ALL his teeth to come in - since it seems like they are constantly teething. And, we never had to deal with the guilt like you talk about here - or the worry. We just suffered and kept telling ourselves it WOULD get better. Whatever you decide you'll make the best decision, but I think mamas should follow their gut more than a book. That's why we have them!

I have no words of wisdom about parenting. The tho...

2011-11-21T11:00:31.429-06:00

I have no words of wisdom about parenting. The thought of leaving my baby crying makes me want to cry, so I get it. But I can say this. Your daughter is healthy, growing and is such a happy baby. To me, those are the signs of a good mommy. And I can say without a doubt that you're a GREAT mommy! I wish I could give you a hug and do something really silly to make you laugh. And take Sofia for a while so you can sleep/shower. I know it's hard, and I have no experience to say "it'll get better" but I know it will. You're too awesome for it not to get better. :) Love you!

I've read other blogs about parenting newborns...

2011-11-21T09:54:56.541-06:00

I've read other blogs about parenting newborns and sleep. Here is one that is highly recommends: Moms on Call.
Visit Moms on Call for more information and watch their online seminar or buy the book. I’m a believer!

It is from the "Blue Eyed Bride Blog."

I'm so sorry! You sound exhausted... Is there ...

2011-11-21T09:48:53.633-06:00

I'm so sorry! You sound exhausted... Is there someone who can stay with you for a few days, mom, brother?

We did the Ferber with our oldest two sons. I had to remove myself from the equation because I couldn't stand the crying. Putting baby awake to bed at bedtime, and then going back to check on him at ever increasing intervals (1 min, 2 min, 5 min, 10 min etc) resulted in about 1-2 hours of screaming the first night and it was heartbreaking. But, the second night there was much less crying, and virtually none on the third. It sounds cruel, but in the long run we are glad we did it.

It would be good if you weren't alone while doing the sleep training, it's hard on the psyche.
Hang in there!

Hi Stephanie! I feel kind of bad that I don't...

2011-11-21T09:39:24.152-06:00

Hi Stephanie!

I feel kind of bad that I don't have a happier, funnier post for you right now but thank you for being here just the same! Stick around, it's not all desperate drama!