Thursday, June 28, 2012

Thankful it's Thursday: The professional edition

It's a new day, friends!  We made it through and my baby is back at my side, none the worse for wear!  Thanks for your kind words and I'm confident that each week will be easier than the last.  AND I'm confident that we will sell this house before I die.

So let's get on to some thoughts, shall we?
Did you know I have an email address for this blog?  
It's desireesdaydreams at gmail dot com.
I don't know why people spell out the email address like that, but I've seen it done so I'm going to do it too.

I'm about to get professional y'all!
Yup, that means it's time for me to see who would like to sponsor this lil ol' blog.
So to all you sponsors out there:  GET AT ME.
This also means it's time for a blog redesign.  The baby in my header now runs around and can almost brush her teeth.
And she has awesome bedhead.

So I need a new blog design and Katie doesn't do them anymore because you know, she's about to have a baby and all.  
Do you design blogs?  Are they awesome?  Do you not charge an arm and a leg?

Today is a better day and Drew comes home this afternoon and we get to go out to dinner!  Partly because we have another showing smack in the middle of dinnertime.  But it's all good because any dinner I don't have to cook is an automatic gourmet feast and I can't wait.

So what's up with y'all?  What's new and exciting in your life?  Get At Me!




Be GLAD you weren't here just now!  This is my second draft of this post because the first one was oh so full of the bitchiness!  I'm talking Bitch CITY!  Where I'm the Mayor *and* Governor!  Good lawd!  I will spare you all that sloppiness and nonsense but I had to get it out first because Sofia's first day of school/my first day of 'freedom' wasn't as great as I'd planned it in my head.  I had all these lofty notions of the things I would do with my 'glorious freedom' and NONE of them happened.  Ah well.  Maybe we'll try again next week.

Now, there were *some* good things.  I was able to put Sofia's hair in pigtails without a fight (thank you  I packed a lunch for her without hyperventilating.  We weren't rushing around like crazy like I just knew we would be.  I even took a little video of her!

You have my sincerest apologies for saying 'school' fifty million times.  It's just that Sofia said it right away and it was so cute, I wanted her to say it again.  I truly apologize and I'm rolling my eyes at myself.

Since it was our first day, I got to stay with Sofia for a little bit to make sure she was okay.  After about twenty minutes, the teacher let me know that it was time to start heading for the door and that's when my eyes welled up and my nose started stinging.  The tears came when the dumb teacher was like "Sofia, Mommy's getting ready to go but she's coming back and she's going to miss you so much while she's gone!"  *knifeheart*

I tried my hardest to smile through my tears and tell her how much fun she was going to have that day and how I couldn't wait to hear all about it, but Sofia knew.  She started crying when she saw me crying and that's how I left.  Hearing her cry as I walked down the hall, away from her, was horrible.  My brain was like you're going the wrong way!  She's back the other way!  Turn around!  I didn't, but I couldn't even make it out of the parking lot before I called my mom.  I got her secretary and started bawling as soon as she picked up the phone.  Thank goodness her secretary has known me since I was born so it wasn't weird.

All I wanted to do was go home, crawl in bed and look at pictures of my baby but I couldn't go home because we had two stupid showings.  So I drove around, not knowing what to do with myself.  Y'all will be proud of me - I didn't go to Target!  I figured being sad and being in Target was a recipe for disaster, which is how I found myself in the Starbucks parking lot - it was the lesser of two evils.  

I felt so alone.  This was one of those milestone things and I was doing it by myself and it sucked.  I wanted to talk to Drew but he was gone and busy, as usual.  I swear, this 'married single parent' thing sucks balls.  It's hard on my heart, I hate it and I really felt it today.  The 'trying to sell your house while you're a married single parent' sucks balls too, as long as we're talking about things that suck.

Thank God for my mom.  I caught her on her cell between meetings and she totally listened while I blubbered to her "I just dropped Sofia off at schoo-oo-oo-l!  This sucks so much!"  Bless her, she was sympathetic and listened to me cry and it helped.  I also talked to my cousin and my best friend and I finally headed home, only to have to park around the corner because it wasn't 11:30 yet.  I sat in the car and texted with Shunta until 11:30 when I could go back home (thank you for checking on me, babe!)  Bridget checked on me too and I'm so thankful!  I needed my female support and y'all were there for me!  Thank you!!

I took a nice long shower, which was something of a treat and I felt so drained that all plans to do anything productive flew out the window and I just wanted to take a nap.  I missed my baby, I missed my husband and I had a headache that wouldn't quit.  It was 1:00 and school was out at 3.

And JUST as I laid down, my phone rang.  It was the showing service, wanting to schedule a showing from 2-4!  Oh, did I mention we already had one scheduled for 5:45-6:45?!  I asked them to push it back until 3, since I'd already be gone.  Thankfully, by the time I finished talking with Sofia's teacher, the agent had come and gone so I could go home - only to leave again at 5:45.  Seriously, these showings are so disruptive to our lives.  They are SUCH a necessary evil.  

Maybe next week I'll sew something, or craft something or bake something.  Maybe next week Sofia won't cry at all and she'll start to look forward to school.  Maybe next week we won't have any showings during my 'me' day.  Or if we do, maybe one of them will Put In. An Offer.  

I just know that I'm super glad today is over and I'm going to sleep.  This headache is working me tonight and I am ready for a new day!

Please tell me your day was better than mine!


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Mahalo and aloha

I have to wrap up my Hawaii recap because I need this space tomorrow to whine and wail and gnash my teeth because Sofia goes to school tomorrow.  She starts her Mother's Day Out program and I'm a shaky mess just thinking about it.

So, let's look at some pictures to take my mind off the fact that tomorrow marks the first day that I will be away from her for longer than a few hours.  *sniff whimper shake*  Must! Look At! Cute Pictures!
We rented a car and drove up the coast to the beach one of the days and 
I refused to give up on her beach accessories.
building sand castles
This one's getting blown up and framed.
Those legs!
picture perfect
We also visited the Kilauea Lighthouse.  Thank goodness I brought the Ergo because
she's getting a little big to carry in my arms!
However, she's just big enough for Daddy's shoulders!
Having a manapua at the waterfall.
These sandwiches were so freakin' good!
We got them at the 7-11 of all places and they were the BOMB! 
I can't remember the name of these waterfalls to save my life, but they were gorgeous!
We also visited Waimea Canyon - think Grand Canyon, smaller and greener but no less majestic.  It took FOREVER to drive up there and this lookout was the first stop.  When we got there, I was like 'Cool, we've seen it, let's go have lunch.'  Drew was like 'umm, there are three more stops before you get to the top.'
Thank God there was a restaurant halfway up.
looking like tourists
The canyon went on forever! 
To think that this is smaller than the Grand Canyon is very humbling.
where the canyon meets the ocean
Doing a tiny bit of hiking and by hiking, I mean parking our car in the parking lot and walking approximately two hundred feet.  That's how *I* hike.
Our last three days of vacation, we switched hotels so we could keep using Drew's points.  For Father's Day, we rented one of the bungalows by the pool and lounged for the day.
I'd never been in a cabana/bungalow before and it was as cool as I thought it would be.  We had our own private spot to hang out and let the baby play and it was perfect!
That night, Father's Day dinner was at Roy's
The way to my heart is through good customer service and we didn't get it anywhere the entire time we were there.  It was disappointing and I guess they think that the scenery should make up for the poor service.  So I was ecstatic to get top-notch service at Roy's - they did everything right!  I'm so glad Drew got such a great Father's Day dinner!
When his dish came I was like 'Don't eat yet!  I have to get a picture for the blog!'
He had the butterfish, Roy's signature dish and he was in heaven!
I had the scallops and shrimp and 
I didn't even mind that the heads were still on the plate!
Sofia is just starting to make these faces when she sees the camera.
She is turning into such a ham!
We made it home without incident and it was definitely a vacation to remember!  I'm so thankful to have spent so much time together as a family and we are so truly blessed!
Thanks for joining us on our little vacation recap!


Sunday, June 24, 2012

Hi dolphins!

There's a statute of limitations when putting your significant other on blast:  it's one year.  You have to wait at least a year before telling an embarrassing story or one where they made you mad, or one where they tried to kill you.  Unless of course, it's really bad.  Then you have to take it to your grave.  But, this one isn't that bad.  Drew just tried to kill me, that's all.

If you remember, and I don't blame you if you don't, I alluded to it in the very last line of this post and the first part of this one.  And if you don't feel like reading those, and I don't blame you, I wrote about how we went snorkeling on our babymoon in Key West.  What I didn't talk about is when we went fishing.

Drew loves to fish and booked a fishing trip for us one morning.  I was about five months pregnant and very apprehensive about being on a boat in the first place, so when we went out to the dock and I saw that boat was about as big as my pinky finger, I got RILL nervous.  It was us, another guy and the captain.  I was NOT PLEASED.  But Drew loves to fish and I wanted to be a good sport.

However, when one is on a boat the size of one's pinky finger, every wave feels like a tsunami.  With every wave I was certain I was going to get thrown overboard - of course only me, because the one who dies is always the one who didn't want to get on the boat in the first place.

Drew and I were on a dinky bench with a dinky seatbelt and no mother-effin place to hang the F on.  And it took us FOREVER to get out to the fishing spot.  For Drew to catch TWO mother-effin fish.  I never got up from my seat and after we'd been out there for a couple of hours, we headed back and the waves were WORSE.

I was bouncing all around and I cried and cried, certain that the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the blood pumping through my system at a million miles an hour was akin to giving my poor daughter a shot of crack and I felt like the worst mother ever, like I wasn't protecting her and doing what I should to keep her from a stressful environment.  That was a terrible day and I was too upset to even be angry at Drew.  I was literally shaking from fear and adrenaline and I couldn't even speak to Drew for hours afterward.  Over two damn fish.  

He felt so bad that he arranged for a pedicure and massage for me within the hour.  

Of course, I forgave him and we moved on.  For dinner that night, the hotel cooked the fish he caught.  I was like, "How does your $400 fish taste?"
The fish that nearly cost me my life.

We hadn't been on a boat since and we don't speak of that day.

Well, that was over a year ago and we got a boat trip do-over in Hawaii!  I got tons pictures this time, because the last time I was too afraid to let go of my dinky seatbelt to snap photos.

THIS time, my baby was safely outside my body so I was all for it.  What made me nervous *this* time was getting a baby-sitter for my precious.  The Marriott had a company they worked with and I grilled the lady on the phone about the person they would be sending.  How long had she worked with them, was she infant CPR certified, who were her people.  And I told them I didn't want them sending anyone under the age of 30.  Maybe when Sofia is older, I'll let a teenager watch her, but not this day.

A kind-faced older lady showed up at six that morning, and I sat her down in our living room (!) and broke it down for her.

Please keep the sliding doors closed and locked at all times.
If you go swimming, stay in the baby pool only and please keep your hands on her at all times.
These are the foods she eats, I don't give her juice and her snacks are here.
This is the outfit you can put on her if she gets the one she's wearing dirty.

And lots and lots and LOTS of other instructions.

In the cab ride over, I was totally grilling Drew and praying to Jesus to watch over my baby  who was with a strange woman on a strange island as we go on a boat for an entire day and what the hell was I thinking?! Turn the car around, I'm a terrible mother!!

Drew talked me off the ledge, reminding me that we need time as husband and wife just as much as we do as a family.  He was right and as we pulled up to the marina, I said another prayer and made up my mind to have a good time.

This boat trip was on a nice big catamaran with lots of other people so I was instantly more at ease.
Here goes nothin'.
Getting ready to leave

We went on Captain Andy's Southern Star Na Pali Snorkel BBQ Sail and it was awesome!  We spent the whole day on the boat, they had breakfast rolls and coffee, tea and juice and his crew made us amazing juicy burgers for lunch.  The Na Pali coast is only accessible by boat or air and it was completely worth the trip!  It was a nice big boat so while we felt the waves, it was nowhere near intolerable.

But enough words, let's see some pictures!!
My hair was a hot mess and blowing in the wind but I went with it.
I told Drew, "Babe!  Take a picture of me being wild and free!"
He shook his head but he took it!  You'd think he'd be used to my dorkiness by now.
Trying to contain my hair so Drew didn't get a mouthful on the boat
This one cracks me up because I may be wild and free, but I will still hold on
with both hands.
Not a shark this time, but a bottle-nose dolphin!
I was ridiculously excited to see dolphins, and I am fully aware that I'm a giant dork.
We also saw their smaller cousins, Hawaiian spinner dolphins.
coming up for air

Then we arrived at the Na Pali coast.  Again, my dinky ass camera does nothing for how majestic, how breathtaking and how HUGE the coastline was.  The only thing I could do was feast my eyes on the beauty of it all and hug my husband and thank him for doing this for us.  
The only editing I did to these photos is use the 'I'm feeling lucky' tool in Picasa,
which took away a haze on the image.
Otherwise, the water is that blue, the algae or moss or grass or whatever it was
really is that green.  It was incredible.
an old waterfall
So beautiful, it didn't look real
To give an idea of scale, Drew said that boat was 20 feet long.
crazy-blue water
If you are strong enough to kayak up here, you can hang out on your
very own private beach.  Of course, it would take hours and hours to get up here.
Beautiful, powerful Mother Nature
Being wild and free, with my Longboard Hawaiian beer.
The captain stopped on the way back and let us jump off the boat into the ocean
a few times and since the dolphins were in the same area,
I'm saying I swam with dolphins.
Because I'm wild and free!
And I finally got Drew to be wild and free with me!

It was SUCH a good day and I'm so happy we did it!  We spent the entire day together, just us, hanging out in the ocean, snorkeling and having a wonderful time.  I'm so glad we got to have this do-over and it totally wipes away the Key West incident.

That's the other part of the statute of limitations:  If you get to have a do-over, the original incident is wiped from the record and is forever null and void, herewith, henceforth, heretofore and all the other legal terms I can't think of right now.

We made it back to the marina in one piece and the icing on the cake was coming home to my baby, who had a great day of her own.  She completely charmed the baby-sitter, who had fallen in love with her and wanted to take her home. (Easy chick.  The child is MINE.)

It was a once in a lifetime experience and I'm so blessed to have been able to do it.  And to think, our vacation was just starting!

No more cliffhangers, but lots more great pictures.  Come on back!  Please?


Friday, June 22, 2012

The end of an era

I'm interrupting the storytelling to tell you to go make this cake.  Make it.  Now.
Yes, it is the color and consistency of baby poop but never mind that.
If you like pumpkin bread, you must make this cake.  It does not get easier than two ingredients and bake.  This is my second slice because the first
*and* THIRD slice disappeared into my belly before I could snap a picture.
You know how some people say 'I may or may not be eating as I type this?'
Guess what, I AM eating.  Proudly.  My FOURTH piece.
Right now, because it's that good.
The pan may or may not be gone by the time I'm done with this post.

Ok, now that I've gotten that into my belly off of my chest let's continue, shall we?

When I left off last night, I was boasting about how well my baby did on the flights to and from Hawaii.  I on the other hand, nearly died on the way there.

We were going to be gone for ten days and we were up until two in the morning getting everything ready for our trip.  I didn't want to forget anything, because I knew that one shirt or pair of shorts of mine or the baby's would turn out to be the most vital piece and without it, all would be ruined.  I'd never been to Kauai and I didn't want to risk needing the one thing they didn't have on the island.  So I checked and triple checked that we had everything.

Additionally, we had to get the house ready.  It turned out that we had eight showings in the ten days we were gone and not one of those mother-effers put in an offer.  Seriously, when the F is this stupid house going to sell?  we had to leave the house in showing condition, so no underwear draped over the mirror in the last-minute mad dash.

We also emptied the fridge.  Into our bellies.  Let me be the PSA for all of you about to travel or who might make the same mistake I did:

If your food is even the tiniest bit questionable, throw it the hell out.  Don't tell yourself that it's ok, that it doesn't smell *that* bad, that all you have to do is cook it and it'll be fine.  Don't feel bad about wasting it, because you don't want the alternative.  Throw that shit in the garbage. 

*Several* weeks ago, we went to the farmer's market and bought lots of fresh fruits and veggies.  We all know my history with food and cooking, right?  Well, I've been meal planning with the help of the almighty Pinterest, (psst, follow me) and I've actually been doing well with cooking tasty, healthy dinners for us.  As long as I have a recipe, and it's not too hard, and I have all the ingredients and there's not too much prep.

My wheels come off when I buy things that have no recipe.  Such was the case of the Brussels sprouts.  They were so plump and yummy looking at the market and I just knew I could find a recipe for them, and I did.
Exhibit A:  The Brussels Sprouts of Death
from here

The problem is that I had no other meal components to go with my sprouts, so they sat in the fridge until I could find a suitable main dish.  And they sat.  And sat.  And had the audacity *NOT* to grow mold so as to clearly tell me they were no good.  They also didn't smell *that* bad, because let's face it, you don't buy Brussels sprouts for how they smell.

The night before we left, we ate a hodge podge of what was left in the fridge and I had the Brussels sprouts as my meal.  Drew ate a couple but I had the majority, and honestly the maple and cayenne made them pretty tasty.

However, at three that morning, I knew I'd made a grave mistake.  My stomach was staging a coup and it was violent.  I had the worst gas pain of my life and I tried my hardest to ahem, take care of it.  But nothing was happening.  No air was escaping, from either end and the pressure was increasing.  I don't think I slept a wink and when the taxi came for us at five am, I was doubled over and hobbling like an old lady because the pain was so bad. 
Naturally, Sofia was in sixth gear that morning and was running around the airport
like crazy while I tried not to cry from the pain.  
The pressure was so intense it was all I could do to keep from rocking
back and forth like a mental patient.

So do you have any idea what flying feels like when you have gas pain?  Holy BALLS.  It was like pressure from the outside and inside at the same time and I spent almost the entire flight from Dallas to LA in near tears.  At one point, I was kneeling on the floor pressing my stomach into the seat, begging my body to let go of something, anything.  Burp, fart, poop.  Anything to relieve the pressure.  But nothing happened and my stomach felt more and more like an over-inflated balloon.  It was totally like that Big Bang episode where Sheldon ate the Brussels sprouts and thought he had appendicitis.  Except he passed gas and felt better, whereas I was in complete agony.

When we landed in LA, I seriously thought we'd have to get off there and go to the hospital, and that's saying something.  I mean, I gave birth on Pitocin with no epidural and it wasn't this bad!  Tonic water on the plane did nothing, so I bought some Pepto and Alka-Seltzer at the airport and powered through the next flight.  I figured I could go to the hospital in Hawaii, they could punch a hole in my stomach and let out the air and I could finish my vacation.  It was cool, I had a one-piece swimsuit to hide the scar.  

On the FIVE HOUR flight to Hawaii, the pain let up in the tiniest way but by no means was it gone.  I was miserable but we made it and that's all that mattered.  And I sure did slap on my one-piece and take my ass to the beach because we were on vacation dammit!
Having drinks didn't hurt either.

By the end of the night, the pressure wasn't gone but it was manageable.  I wasn't hunched over and my stomach merely felt sore.  I figured that by morning, my digestive system would have passed the sprouts through and I'd be ok but good god, gas pains are the worst!

Sure enough, the next morning I woke up feeling ten times better.  My stomach was sore and the pain was more of a dull ache that had radiated a bit lower in my abdomen.  I took it as a sign that things were moving and I was going to be ok.  Thank goodness we didn't get off the plane in LA!  It was 5am Hawaii time and I tiptoed into our giant bathroom to brush my teeth as I heard Drew get up and go to the baby, who had just woken up too.

I finished brushing my teeth and went to the bathroom just as Drew and the baby came in to join me.  Seriously, once you become a parent, you will not pee alone until they go to college.  So I had an audience when I wiped.



My period.  On the second day of our Hawaiian vacation.  At the beach.  And pool.  Where you wear a swimsuit.  And I was bleeding.  Are you serious right now?!

It's bad enough that I got ridiculous food poisoning or whatever it was but my period too?!?  The hell?!?!

June 10th.  The day before my baby turned 14 months old.  That's nearly two years with a low-maintenance vagina, people.  And the day we get started on our vacation is when I start my mother-effing period.  Really.

I was like NOOOOOOOOOO!! 

Y'all, I had nothing.  No tampons, no pads, nothing.  I'd read somewhere that once you start going more than ten hours without nursing, your cycle will start up and Sofia *had* been nursing less but I sure wasn't expecting this!  It was only spotting at that time, but I was prepared for a flood and told Drew that he had to go down to the gift shop and get me tampons and pantiliners because I just knew that I was going to bleed like a stuck pig.

Amazingly, the period gods smiled on me and I only spotted very lightly for like four days.  I kept waiting for the flood to start, but it never did which I was beyond thankful for.  It was bad enough that I was paranoid that my tampon string would work its way out of my swimsuit, but I had nightmares of trailing blood in the pool and not realizing it.

It was ridiculous.  Starting my damn period after Two Damn Years the DAY we start our vacation.  I'm still shaking my damn head.

And of course, Drew was all Cool, now we can get started on #2!  I told him to remember that we were on the 23rd floor and I was not above tossing him over the balcony.


So ANYWAY, he got me some tampons and we got on with our vacation.  And since I don't want to leave you with visions of me on my period, let's look at some more vacation photos!
Look at my little island baby!
The flower goes over your right ear if you're single, left if you're married.
Gah, she's getting so big.
On the hotel grounds.  The whole place was gorgeous everywhere you looked!
Bribing her with a pouch.
She's got the cutest curls now and by the end of our trip, her 
hair was so light!  And of course she charmed every single person who crossed her path!
More pool time but sadly, without the hat or sunglasses.  
She loooved the pool, but wasn't at all crazy about the ocean and the sand.
She didn't like not having something solid under her feet and the
waves were too much for her.  The pool was nice and calm and it was just her speed.
Drew would say 'oooonnne' and she'd say 'tew' in her adorable baby voice
and on three Drew would lift her high out of the water.
Hands down, that was her favorite thing about Hawaii.

Now at least my stomach drama was over.  I was taking my Prilosec from my gastritis diagnosis, I had an Alka-Seltzer after any meal that didn't sit perfectly in my stomach and I had the Pepto on standby.  And once I got my nether regions situated, we were good to go so the next day Drew and I got a babysitter for Sofia and we had a husband-wife day and it was so much fun!

That's the next story, but before I tell that one I have to tell you about the time Drew tried to kill me and our unborn child.


Ooooohhh, I did it again!



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