Thursday, December 13, 2012

Just try and keep up

Hey y'all.  I'm drunk.  My husband got me drunk because he's the best husband in the whole world and getting drunk is exactly what I needed.  And he's the best husband because he knows that and he opened up a good bottle of wine and gave it to me.  Because I've had a shit day and I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to backspace and retype to make this coherent so I apologize if I get weird.  Just try and keep up because I'm 'bout to brain drain. I was gonna say dump but that's ugly and I'm not ugly.  So we drain.

But STOP.  Before I do anything else in my life, everyone who is reading this must click this link right here.  Click it, and read my love letter.  You know how long it's been since I've gotten a love letter?  From someone I'm not sleeping with?  That shit is unprecedented.  And it just took me twelve backspaces to type that right.  Sometimes, when you blog, you 'meet' a person who is your huckleberry.  Your blogging boo piece.  Ryan is mine.  Love.  Just love.

Okay, so did you go read my love letter?  Okay good.  Because we have important business to attend.  My brain drumping.  Draining.  Not dumping.  Seriously, I should just video this shit.  You know how hard is it to type drunk?  Like if I didn't backspace and sit here and stare at the screen to make sure you can read this, it would be all ridiculous.  I briefly thought about not backspacing, but then you wouldn't be able to read it and we have important business to attend.

Okay, but wait.  No.  I mean.......shit.  Where was I?  okay  wait.


so, today I was just sucking as a mom.  Oh wait, I have to upload pictures so I can illustrate my suckitude.  Hold please.

Okay, so I'm realizing this might be the longest post in the history of the universe because I got issues y'all so I'm probably going to break this up.  This is so not going to make sense in the  morning.

Whatever.  Okay, the first order of business.  My fashion.  I needs help.  Drew is not having a company Christmas party this year but we are going to dinner with a group of his work people and I need something to wear.  Remember how I told you my dresser lived in the guest room?
Because the rules of blogging state that thou shalt put pictures in your posts
so thou's readers don't get bored.
Not because you don't know what a dresser looks like.
Y'all are smart like that and I would never insult you.  You're so pretty.

SO!  A few weeks ago, we cleaned out my dresser and Drew's dresser with the goal of combining them, and amazingly enough, we were successful.
Taking some time out to be cute in the midst of purging.
Real talk, I don't need anything else in my life.
I'm still kind of sad that I had a miscarriage.
Everything that was in my dresser.  
PS, we got a white duvet cover.
Herein lies the problem.

Okay, marinate on the above picture for a minute.  Goodwill got everything that was ridiculously huge on me.  PS, when did I ever think it was cool to wear XL stuff?  Even when I was nine months pregnant, I wasn't an XL.  Why did I think looking like a hobo was cute?

Then, all the summer stuff got put in bins to go downstairs, as well as all the maternity stuff that I hope I get to wear again someday.  Yoga stuff went in a drawer and the shirts that are in regular rotation went in the above drawer.  You see that?  I have about five shirts in regular rotation and four of them are long sleeve tshirts in different colors from either Target or Old Navy.

This is a problem.

When did this happen to me?  I used to dress cute and fashionably.  No lie y'all, I have about ten items of clothing and they're all long sleeve tshirts, cardigans, tank tops for layering and sweaters.  No cute button downs, no flowy blouses, no cute and trendy nothing.  Oh, and two pair of jeans, one bootcut one skinny.  

Now, to be fair, I'm a stay at home mom.  I don't really need an extensive wardrobe and at this stage in the game I'd rather spend money on house stuff.


We're going to Drew's work dinner next week and we got a babysitter and everything.  I want to be cute.  I want to wear heels and dangly earrings.  And I can't wear a long sleeve tshirt from Target.


Looking like a frump has an effect on your outlook.  That's why I've started to put makeup on every morning.  Because I was for real starting to look like an old hag and I was starting to feel like an old hag and then I would be sad.  No lie, putting makeup on every morning, even if it's just mascara and lip stuff, makes me feel better and more put together.  Except then I go and put on a long sleeve tshirt and one of my two pairs of jeans.  Oh well, at least they fit.

But anyway!

I'm lost.  I don't know where to go for a cute going out top and shopping is not an option.  One, because I live in Reading, Pennsylvania.  Also known as the place where shopping goes to die.  I was at Target today, because of course I was at Target today, and I noticed a Kohl's going in across the street.  And I got excited.  And then I got depressed.  Because I was excited about a Kohl's y'all.  What is happening to me?  I used to care about fashion.  I used to go shopping.  The cool kind of shopping.

You know, shopping where you spend all day wandering in and out of stores, trying on random shit, checking out your ass in the mirror from all the angles, taking your time, posing, standing on your tippy toes.  You know, shopping.  

Shopping with a toddler is more like, barrel into ONE store, beeline for something in a color that you vaguely like, check lightening fast that it's your size, snatch it up, buy it and run out before your kid realizes that they're in public and it's time to act a damn fool.  Then get home and be all pissed that you got an XL when you meant to get an XS.  Throw it on the top shelf of your closet and wear it when you want to feel like a hobo.  That's what shopping with a toddler is like.

So help me out y'all.  The work thing is next Thursday and this is my one chance Fancy don't let me down.  Most days I'm fine with my tshirts and jeans because let's be real, my kid and my dog don't care what I wear and I spend my life on the floor playing with blocks and you don't need designer shit for that.  But this one night I want to be pretty, I need to be pretty again.  It's been so long since I've been pretty.  I need websites, where I can order shit during naptimes.  I need the super secret cute-top-websites that make it where you buy a shirt and don't feel like a frumpy loser mom.  Where is that website?  

Because my Target-Old-Navy wearin' ass obviously doesn't have the first clue.

Next up, the next reason why I suck.  Because even though ya'll are the best readers on EARTH, I don't expect you to read through a long-ass rambly post.

SO!  Cute tops that go with jeans and dangly earrings!  GO!



  1. I discovered Lole (there's an umlaut on the "e" but I don't know how to type that) last year and canNOT get enough. Now, to be fair, my definition of "fancy" lies somewhere between REI and Anthro-when-its-a-major-sale. BUT! Lole stuff is stretchy, has pockets, and has little details that make cute tops seem much more fancy than they feel (i.e. they're comfy.)


    (Like I said, REI. Aheh.)

    Also, can I just say that your late-night posts make me the happiest? I'm a grad student who works insanely late nights (yes, sometimes with a glass of wine by the keyboard) and your blog updates make my procrastinating so much more fun. :D

  2. I went through the same thing earlier this year (being frumpy), except I have a FT job so I was going out in public daily looking wack. I'm slowly trying to upgrade my wardrobe.

    Try anthropology or j crew. I fell in love with this dress the other day:

  3. Ann Taylor has some surprisingly cute tops right now and they are having a good sale! Good luck on your quest! I know you will look gorgeous!

  4. I know you said no shopping, but you aren't that far from King of Prussia Mall. Designer stores, Department stores...etc, etc, etc. I have no fashion sense, but I hope that helps!

  5. J.Crew is having a 30% off store-wide sale and free shipping and shipping is usually just a day or two (I know because I've ordered stuff twice). This dress: is amazing. I got it in navy and then I loved it so much that I ordered it in black and fawn, too. It's luxurious silk, it fits like a dream, and it's elegant without being fussy.

    Alternatively, drive up to New York! Lots of stores here :) I'll watch your adorable baby and you can go shopping!

  6. OMG! That love letter. SO SWEET. I'm totally going to blog stalk him now. :)

    As for that picture of Drew and Sofia... DYING. So stinking cute.

    Good work on the duvet cover! And organizing closets! Go you!

    Now... I'm not the most fashionable girl. I have the same long sleeve shirts, and I just add a scarf and say I'm "put together". But I'm not. But I have seen a TON of online boutiques sprouting up in blog land, and from what I've seen, my favorite is Kiki La'Rue. She's a blogger too, and is super sweet! Here's a link: There's lots of cute and non long sleeve shirts on there!

  7. You can also do the rental one. Have a few sent home to you and then go from there as well. This is my ref. link but feel free to just login without it as well. Wasn't sure if you were aware of Rent the runway :)


    sorry I forgot

  9. Have you heard of StitchFix? I'm a stay at home mom and feel the same way about being frumpy all the time. But there's no time to shop. Stitch Fix sends you a box with 5 items. You can specify all types of things about your fashion, what you do, what you like to wear, specific items of clothing you are looking for. You pay $20 to get the box, and then you can buy whatever you want out of the box (the $20 goes toward it) or ship it back (prepaid envelope provided by StitchFix). I loved everything in my first box and my friend who has done it has always liked hers as well. They are a little pricer but nice brands (BCBG and others I'm not fancy enough to have heard of), say $40 for an adorable shirt.
    This sounded like a commercial. Oops. I'm not related to them at all; I just tried it and honestly think it's brilliant. Plus they sent me shirts I loved but never could have found when out shopping myself.

  10. Hi Desiree . . . I have to say I love you . . . I've been following your blog for years and I've commented a couple of times but I absolutely love your open and funny voice :)
    Welcome to the East Coast!!!!!!!! Reading has outlet shopping that shouldn't be too far from you . . . But if you don't mind taking Sophia on a day trip you can easily get to KOP mall . . . that's King of Prussia Mall . . . it has anything and everything you'll need to spruce up your wardrobe . . . and it's about an hour from Reading . . . I hope you find something fantastic for next week's dinner . . . and some other things that might make you excited about getting dressed again :)

    Jo-Ann :)

  11. Asos, free people, shop bop, romwe


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