The back of my toilet for the next three months, possibly longer
I have no idea why I was so nervous using the ovulation sticks for the first time. I must have read the instructions at least five times, studying them, wanting to make sure I didn't do anything to jeopardize the result. It was all, if you insert the stick wrong, you won't get a correct result. If you get the tester wet, you won't get a correct result. If you hold it in your urine for too long, you won't get a correct result. Not long enough, you won't get a correct result. This is waaay more complicated than a pregnancy test. It just goes to show that it's much harder when you're actually trying.
Right now my biggest fear is that I'll get the happy face telling me I'm fertile and Drew will be out of town. I *think* I'll be fertile next week and he will be in town but he leaves again on March 5th. What if there's something off with my cycle and I'm not fertile till he's gone? Then we've lost a month and the mere thought of losing time makes me cranky. However, I'm trying not to borrow trouble and I'm hoping that everything will turn out okay.
The other thing about being in this study is that if I do get pregnant in the next three months, I'm going to know instantly. They've worked out my expected start dates for my next three periods and I'm to take a pregnancy test on those days, regardless of whether or not I've actually started. Last time I didn't test until I was almost a week late. Not so this time.
It will be strange to get the happy face. The happy face means you're in your two most fertile days which means you need to have sex right then. But what of this sex-on-demand business? It's even weird when I tell Drew about the group of days that my app on my phone says I'm fertile. It definitely takes the spontaneity out of sex but you have to do it regardless. Something about it seems false when you both know that the act is somewhat scheduled.
I'm working on my mindset, telling myself that we're creating our family. It's a hurdle that we're both working to overcome. I've been trying not to do too much infertility searching on the internet because I kind feel like I shouldn't yet - that it's only for those who have been trying for six months or more or who have been given an official diagnosis. I guess technically we're still trying to conceive and not yet infertile. I don't know - this whole thing is all new and uncomfortable for me. YOU try peeing in a cup that's too small first thing in the morning!
I really hope these sticks work.