Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday was a snow day for me and I didn't have to go in - which is hilarious. I grew up in Kansas, where they didn't shut anything down unless there were multiple feet of snow on the ground. But here in Dallas, they shut it down for a dusting of ice. With everyone used to the warm weather here, they go bonkers if there's even the slightest temperature drop. It was fun though - I'd forgotten how much fun snow days are! Drew stayed home too, although he had to work remotely.
Well, we've got a house! I'll post pictures soon, but we got ourselves a townhouse in the city! I'm growing excited about it, but I'm super apprehensive because it's somuch money. I didn't realize how much you have to spend when purchasing a home and it's enough to make me sick to my stomach. But it's a great place in an awesome location and Thursday we went over there again to check it out. We drove around the neighborhood and everything we could possibly need is within a three mile radius from us. It's exactly how I like it - I'm not down with driving for ten minutes just to get to the grocery store. We move February 20, so the countdown has sort of begun. I'm not really keeping track because the thought still makes me nervous.
This is such a big-girl step and I know that's what's making me nervous. I like the temporality of apartment-living. The longest you have to commit is a year and I'm cool with that. With this house, it's three years at the least. Drew's going to go ahead and get his MBA, which keeps us here in Dallas for at least two and a half years since the program won't start till August. I'm okay with that, but I just always thought that we'd be married before we got a house. On the plus side, when I shared my concerns with him, he really listened and didn't get offended or call me negative or anything. Good job baby!!
Anyway, tonight we're having a dinner party for him because his birthday is New Year's Eve and while that's fun, you get shafted out of having your own day. So I wanted him to have a day where he's the only one celebrated. Pictures from that will probably come on Monday, as all the executives and their admins will be at that conference. And I can get back to blogging and websurfing. :-)
Monday, January 26, 2009
* Slowly but surely I'm getting on the frugal bus. I'm researching cost-saving ideas from everything to food and cars to vacations and clothes. I know I'm late to the party, but I'm here now and that's all that matters.
* Drew submitted an offer on a house yesterday evening. It's a townhouse in the city so I'm still ok but I'm reeeeally scared.
* I did a yoga DVD photo shoot as a favor to my yoga instructor and I'm beyond sore today. A yoga class and shooting for a DVD are worlds apart. I'm out of shape.
* Thus, the weight-loss plan for this year is not going as smoothly as I'd hoped. It's very difficult to get motivated and we ordered pizza last night. It was so good and I felt not ONE OUNCE of guilt for scarfing it down!
* I don't understand why people I barely knew in middle school are sending me friend requests on Facebook. Then again, I accept them for the same reason I'm sure everyone else does - to look at your pictures and see if you got fat.
* We had date night Friday night and it was so romantic and sweet!
* I wish I knew why my posts don't show up on other pages. It says I updated a week ago and that's just not true.
* I got my hair cut on Saturday and it was a new guy. He listened to my desire to stay curly and and wean myself from heat-styling. He was all for it and cut my hair so it would look good curly and then he blew it out! Said it would just be fuzzy so we might as well... I didn't stand up for myself and I miss my curls.
* I'm washing my hair tonight to bring my curls back and get the hairspray out from the photo shoot.
* I'm thinking of getting back into modeling - I think I could play a Banana Republic girlfriend.
* Not talking to my dad is bothering me.
* I want a job that is secure, pays well and gives me a flexible schedule. The internet says that nursing is that job - but I don't like stinky people.
* Is House on tonight?
* I wonder what we're having for dinner.
* Drew is starting to talk like Milton and I don't know how I feel about that.
* I miss my best friend and my baby cousins. They're growing so fast and I feel like I'm missing it.
* I'm going to bed early tonight and I'm excited about it!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The spa where Drew booked us a couples day - it was heavenly!
Milton's friend Susie - super cool chick!
We also went to Acoma. It's called a Sky City because it's entirely on top of a mesa. They have no running water or electricity, using generators and lanterns for warmth and light. A lot of the adobe structures were the originals! I took lots of pictures here because the view was gorgeous but I won't bore you with them. Drew and I look like such tourists.
We also went to the Loretto Chapel with the Floating Staircase. Drew wasn't that impressed.
And then we went home!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
*I get annoyed very very easily and I'm not always good at hiding it. It's going to get me in a fight one of these days.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
In doing so, I changed my outlook on my expectations for relationships (which is all you can ever do). I stopped looking to change men that would never change, instead listening to them when they said they didn't want marriage or children. (Thank you, NEXT!) I became okay with being by myself and in my own skin. I found peace.
From that place, this awesome man came into my life. He is just the greatest. I love his smile, his genuine openness for his friends and family, his devotion to me, and that stillness that I could never enjoy with anyone else I cherish with him.
Now lest you think I have him on a pedestal, my sweetie is very human and very flawed (as am I, but we're talking about him right now). He doesn't have huge flaws; rather, he has, shall we say, exasperating idiosyncrasies.
My sweetie has a bit of a flair for the dramatic. If he doesn't get the answer he's looking for, he's a huge fan of the huffy-walk-off. He also likes to toss things in a dramatic manner. Case in point...
Last night, we were talking about moving as the lease on the apartment is up at the end of Februrary. He wants to look into getting a house and I'm not quite there yet. Our apartment now is walking distance from my job and I looove that. I also really like the apartment and its location; other than it's a bit expensive, I don't see the need to move. However, I'm open to discussion which apparently is license for him to print off dozens of home listings in the area. He came home last night with a stack for me to look at and I dutifully looked through all of them focusing on the price. When I mentioned that they all seemed expensive, I got the huffy-walk-off. From the other room I hear 'Why are you so negative?!'
The old me would have seen red, gotten defensive and started attacking. Instead, I said, 'Sweetie, I simply said they seemed expensive. That's not negative, that's a fact.'
Me: 'I don't prefer to look at things I can't have, that's all.'
Him: 'Then what's THIS?' (Tossing a pile of catalogs on the sofa next to me)
Me: 'Haircuts, FRIEND'. (Substitute FRIEND for a less nice word)
If a man did that to the old me, that would have been grounds for immediate dismissal. But the kinder, gentler me is learning this give and take dance. I'm learning how to remain calm when provoked - I have not mastered it, if I ever do but I'm trying and in the meantime I'm celebrating the wins. We had a small flare-up which in the past would have been a big flare up, and it got diffused. We went to bed happy.
Looking out the bedroom window one morning
From the balcony off the living room
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Over the years I've experimented with curly and straight, still going back and forth like (insert some witty political reference here), styling time down to an hour, still looking for that remedy that will allow me to have pretty flowing curls without the crunch. I only have ONE picture of me with curly hair, isn't that crazy! It's old and when we go to Santa Fe this weekend I'm wearing my hair curly and taking pictures!NOW, cue to a few days ago...I'm on the internet and I go to naturallycurly.com. I still haven't given up on curly hair without the crunch, but I've found that straightening it and leaving it for the week works best for me. I'm lazy with my hair, that's why daily rinsing and re-application of the gel, etc was too much for me. I digress...I stumble on this website, biracialhair.org and the angels started SINGING!! The girl on the site, Teri, has THE MOST BEAUTIFUL hair I've ever seen! I followed her advice and voila! I have an 'aesthetically pleasing con-figaration of hair'! (Little Mermaid) :-) Curls without the crunch! And bonus, I found the totally awesome TheBohemianBookworm. She's on my reading list, check out her stuff, she's super cool!
I want to post a picture of my awesome hair but I have the biggest zit in the history of the universe on my cheek AND chin and I refuse to document their existence. The one on my chin hurts so bad! When I go home for lunch I'll see if I can artfully conceal them but if I can't I'll post pictures next week.
I'm getting a ($$$) haircut next Saturday to cut off the dead ends and then I'm going curly! When I have a daughter, I want her to love her hair and not to wish that she's any different that who she is and if she sees her mother fighting nature, what message will that send? I want her to be proud of her curls, to love them even! I want her to see curly and straight as equally beautiful and know that there's no such thing as good hair!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I've been practicing yoga for about eight years now and I'm also a certified instructor. It's my passion and I love all things yoga. However, it's like any other form of physical activity - take time away from it, and you will pay when you come back. Since yoga is just as much a mental practice as it is physical, I'm paying double. Yea.
I went to class on Monday after not having done any sort of physical activity since before Thanksgiving. I went to Katherine's class at Uptown Yoga, smugly thinking that I need to take a more challenging class, being that I'm so advanced and all. Hee-yooge mistake. See, Katherine is hard-core which is fine for someone who has a steady practice and has worked up to her level of teaching. She is not for a first-timer. You'd find yourself frustrated that you can't keep up - which is where I was. We were doing things that I usually do with ease and I couldn't keep up! I began berating myself, frustrated that my body wasn't cooperating. I immediately caught myself, having that internal conversation telling myself that I shouldn't be so judgemental, let the body come back into this rhythm and place of its own accord. Much easier said than done.
Then Tuesday night I taught class in our building. I had been teaching to our friends and some other people in the building because I enjoy it so much and it was a great way to get in a convenient practice while hanging out with friends. Again, we started slow and by Thanksgiving we had progressed to some really fun and challenging poses. That's the best part about teaching - you get to bear witness to your students' progress and it's such a cool thing.
However, after taking Katherine's beat-down class on Monday and teaching (talking while doing the class is not easy - especially after two months off) I am here at my desk longing for the softness of the feather pillows and the king-size bed at home. I feel like I have the flu because my body is sore and I'm so tired.
I'm not doing anything tonight.
Monday, January 5, 2009
I also love the baby shows - anything on Discovery Health or TLC. I'm absolutely fascinated by the Duggar family - the ones in Arkansas with 18 kids. I would never in life DREAM of having that many kids (I couldn't anyway) but it sure is entertaining to watch them. They seem so pure and happy, I genuinely wonder if the mom and dad ever fight. I tend to think that way only when Drew and I fighting. I feel like we're the only ones on the planet who disagree and everyone else has a perfect, drama-free life. I've taken to reading lots of other people's blogs and it's comforting to bear witness to others' perfectly imperfect lives. I feel like I'm not alone as I try to muddle through this relationship, life thing.
There is definitely a part of me that welcomes domesticity. Drew and I spent the weekend together recharging our relationship batteries after the holidays. (I'll post pictures when I figure out how.) My mom was in town and we were entertaining and the holiday stress really got to us. It was so nice to spend the weekend together with no people around, no parties to go to, just he and I vegging on the sofa or casually running errands because it was 4p and we really should get out of the house so we're not total bums. I like to daydream about what our kids will look like. We were watching House and one of the kids had a cleft chin and that's how he knew he was adopted - some kind of genetic thing. It got me thinking about my child and their possibility of having a cleft chin and strong jaw (Drew has a little 'butt' chin and a very strong jaw). I wonder if they'll be dark like me or lighter like him. How cool it would be to have little golden babies with caramel skin and dark blond curly hair. I think Drew would be an amazing father.
But then there's this other part of me that is scared of it. We've been talking about it and I am honestly scared about the losing the cool part of myself. I'm terrified of having to cut my hair and get a 'sensible' hairstyle. I like my long hair! I don't want to have to wear 'mom' jeans; I have no idea how to make meatloaf (Drew's the chef) and I'm quite certain that a sensible haircut, style-less clothing and meatloaf are all prerequisites for being a good mother/wife. I know I'm wrong and I know I won't care the second I look into my baby's face, but right now the big picture's a little fuzzy.
I'm so putting the cart before the horse, I know. We're not even engaged for pete's sake. But I just think about these things, that's all. Besides, I want to record this for posterity, when I'm covered in baby food and god knows what else. I want to look back at my single stylish self and laugh my head off that I was actually concerned about such trivial things like jeans and hair!
Perspective, Desiree, perspective....
I wish that the me five years from now could contact me in some way and let me know that it'll all be okay and it'll all get sorted out for the best.
Friday, January 2, 2009
For the first time in my life, I'm resolving to lose weight. I have never had to before and it's an entirely new experience, watching what I eat. However, I made it 32 years without having to, I figure that's a pretty good run. I'm shooting for 30 pounds but I won't be upset if it ends up being 20. I have to be kind to myself. Although I'm making no qualms about how difficult it will be - any time you try something for the first time in your life, it's not going to be easy.
I'm also going to be less shy about speaking up for myself. Where my friends and family are concerned, I'm a lioness and I have no qualms about standing up for them. But when it's me, I'm such a pushover. I'll suffer in silence until I've reached the boiling point and then it's katie bar the door! That's not ok. It's only cute to be crazy in the movies, not in real life. If I want something, I have to take responsibility to ask for it and not assume that my desires are simply known. Likewise, if I don't like something it's my responsibility to make that known in a mature way. Martyrdom never solves anything. If you make your needs clearly known and then they're still not being met, then you've got a valid reason for change. Otherwise, you're not playing fair.
I'm going to take my relationship with Drew more seriously. To this point, I haven't seriously been looking at him as husband material, mainly because of my pre-conceived notions and fears. Well, it's time to face those fears and give us and this relationship a fair shake. I don't want things to end without us both giving it a true go. This will involve lots of growth and change on my part and I can only hope that he's on board for it. After all, I need to be seen as marriage material just as much as he does. I think only a saint would marry me at this point.
And while it's not a resolution, I do need to re-dedicate myself to it...I need more patience! Maybe it's because I've gotten away from my yoga, I'm getting older, or I'm just not trying hard enough but I have become so impatient lately! I usually do well to a point and then I'm simply, flat-out D-U-N. While taking some time to clear my head is perfectly acceptable, I have to exercise that option more than I exercise the one to blow a gasket. Again, it's only cute to be crazy in the movies.
I'm going to define my professional goals for myself this year as well. I'm still not quite sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I'm going to get closer to that answer this year.
I'm going to get out of debt! I have been the credit card kid and I'm most definitely feeling the error of my ways! Besides, it's kind of fun to see the available credit number go up and and balance due number go down. I'm paying off two lingering bills in the next couple months and it will be so nice! I want to be one of those people that pays off their credit cards EVERY SINGLE MONTH because I have no idea what that's like.
I'm going to cultivate more female friendships. Girls were very mean to me growing up and it has made me shy away from them even to adulthood. I'm going to stop being scared of making friends, even though it really scares me! I'm going to look for positive, encouraging, happy women and I'm going to make friends with them! (major Al Franken moment there - sorry about that)
Ok, that's good for now. No sense in getting in over my head.